The mental breakdown 

It’s been almost a month since I’ve been home from the hospital . While away I thought about a few people. I mainly thought about my mom and my old friends . I’ve thought about a few special people .one of them probably hates me right now and probably still angry and the other probably hates me also or will hate me eventually .

Who knows but I mainly thought about two special people in my life . One of them I wanted to be with for a long time since I was 15 . I doubt he’ll ever understand my love for him . As much as I’ve always wanted to be with him but we just never got together in a romantic way.

Shit happens as they say . While away I wasn’t too surprised at what I’ve learned in the mental hospital cause what I’ve been going thru been very similar . Far as being depressed everyday , not wanting to do shit for days , being in bed for hours , one day eating next not eating Suffering from depression is real. Real as it comes .  I’ve been on a 10 yr depression mode and it been kicking my ass left and right . 

My depressive days been spent trying to finish books I wanna read but I can’t . Wanting to talk to old friends but I feel like I am bothersome . Falling in love with the wrong people and making myself believe it’s love when it’s just for the moment being to fill my black heart . 

Writing this isn’t me coming out saying I am depression free but it’s a message to say depression is deadly . People need to be lucky for the friends and family they have cause not everyone has someone in their corner for help . Or support. The mind goes into a deep place and your reflection starts to show and you lose yourself.